Following the 2016 election, some readers have accused me of being out of touch with the Real America -- that mythic locale inhabited by people who vote like them and watch the same TV shows they do.
"Duck Dynasty," for example, a program I watched on an assignment that bears about as close a resemblance to the rural South as "Gomer Pyle" did to the U.S. Marines. Real Americans supposedly love that show, a cornball sitcom about a family of heavily bearded children who get into harmless scrapes involving guns and explosives.
No thanks. My own children are grown.
So in an effort to measure my Real America quotient, I recently took a year-end celebrity quiz in the morning newspaper. You know, which celebrities got married, divorced, won awards, had children, got cancelled, excommunicated or pistol-whipped during 2016?
Just kidding. To my knowledge, no red carpet habitues actually got shunned by the Pope or beaten senseless, although somebody called Kim Kardashian apparently did get robbed of her jewels at gunpoint.