You might belong in the Middle Ages

    Recently, the Pew Research Center reported that people tend to live closer to people who agree with them. We are all moving into enclaves of shared ideology, it turns out.

    Right now, our only option for making certain that our neighbors are on the same wavelength is to hightail it to the outskirts of, say, Cincinnati.

    But once they legalize time travel, that won't be the only question.

    Here is a handy guide to when you should live, based on your ideology. I hope it helps!

    What you believe: "I don't believe in vaccinating my kids."

    When you should live: 1794, right before Edward Jenner made his vaccination breakthrough.

    You have every right to think this, but please don't jeopardize everyone else's herd immunity. And have fun treating your other medical ailments with leeches!

    What you believe: "If the earth is getting warmer, it is not because of anything that humans are doing."

    When you should live: Approximately 8000 B.C., at the end of the last ice age, a time when we could say that with certainty.

    Hey, maybe the science isn't settled. Just in case, settle in a time before scientists. You want to feel absolutely positive? That comes with a price.

    What you believe: "I don't believe women should have access to birth control."

    When you should live: 3,000,000 B.C., when you can feel confident that no women have access to birth control because homo sapiens have not evolved yet.

    If you don't believe in evolution, Oct. 26, 4004 B.C. should work just fine - one day before God built the Earth, by Bishop James Ussher's calculation, anyway. Definitely no birth control then.

    What you believe: "I hate it when people check their phones at the dinner table."

    When you should live: 1875, just before Alexander Graham Bell got his patent, is looking good for you. All the dinner tables you could imagine, none of the phones. People might still check the occasional telegram, however. People are always checking something at the dinner table.

    Then again, now it is considered acceptable for you to whack your children with a stick when they disobey, so you have some recourse.

    What you believe: "I like to address women as m'lady and believe that they are a prize you can win."

    When you should live: Late Medieval ("peak chivalry") period might be best. Somewhere from 1301 to 1500ish, give or take several decades. But I hope you can afford a horse and some armor, otherwise your life will be solitary, poor, nasty, brutish and short, and you won't get to own land.

    What you believe: "I don't want measles."

    When you should live: Any time between 2000 (when the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced that measles was eradicated in the United States) and 2014 (when it announced that it was back).

    What you believe: "I won't eat foods that aren't fresh and locally grown."

    When you should live: 1833 should do it, right before Jacob Perkins came up with a practical refrigerator. Enjoy all those pesticide-free (except for the arsenic that was used as a pesticide during this time) organically grown tomatoes, if you survive the winter.

    What you believe: "Something terrible has happened to popular music and people are raising kids wrong."

    When you should live: Unfortunately there is no point in human history when this has not been the case.

(c) 2014, The Washington Post

14-7-19